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I'm really trying not to be hard on myself and my art drawings. I follow several artists and sometimes seems by a lot of their work really brings me down and discourages me. They are in a relationship place I had planned to be able in by now when I was younger. I use to be really good at anime/cartoon style works. But I'm so out of practice and I just can't seem to get myself motivated to improve and get to where I once was.

I wanted to be an animator. Now I look at movie companies and video game companies and think ... I could have worked on that. But I didn't pursue that like of work. Instead, I listened to my mother and went into the science field. You know because it pays good money. Ha! What a joke that was. Barely being paid above minimum wage, working 60+ hours a week. Only to move from job to job because money always dried up since everything was grant based. At least now I have a somewhat science job that pays well with regular hours and time and a half over time. It's still not where I wanted to be.

I'm mad at myself for letting my love of drawing and talent I had slip away. Now I just compare my drawings to all the other drawings on the wide net and want ta just stop again. I want to draw for myself, because I enjoy it and like what I make. But stupid technology. I like something I did for stupid fun and have to share it. I get little response back and it just discourages me for some reason. It's like I want so many other people to really like my work, and the couple of compliments I get just doesn't give me the boost I hope for. I want to get over that need of being popular or liked or whatever. I don't even know that many people on line. I'm not sure what I expect.

Anyways, I finally managed to get myself to start on my Soundwave/Cosmos Christmas piece. I'm not liking it now because of the reason be in the above rant. I'm hoping tomorrow I'll be back to normal and like what I've done.

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sammyphoenix

September 2017

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