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I'm really trying not to be hard on myself and my art drawings. I follow several artists and sometimes seems by a lot of their work really brings me down and discourages me. They are in a relationship place I had planned to be able in by now when I was younger. I use to be really good at anime/cartoon style works. But I'm so out of practice and I just can't seem to get myself motivated to improve and get to where I once was.

I wanted to be an animator. Now I look at movie companies and video game companies and think ... I could have worked on that. But I didn't pursue that like of work. Instead, I listened to my mother and went into the science field. You know because it pays good money. Ha! What a joke that was. Barely being paid above minimum wage, working 60+ hours a week. Only to move from job to job because money always dried up since everything was grant based. At least now I have a somewhat science job that pays well with regular hours and time and a half over time. It's still not where I wanted to be.

I'm mad at myself for letting my love of drawing and talent I had slip away. Now I just compare my drawings to all the other drawings on the wide net and want ta just stop again. I want to draw for myself, because I enjoy it and like what I make. But stupid technology. I like something I did for stupid fun and have to share it. I get little response back and it just discourages me for some reason. It's like I want so many other people to really like my work, and the couple of compliments I get just doesn't give me the boost I hope for. I want to get over that need of being popular or liked or whatever. I don't even know that many people on line. I'm not sure what I expect.

Anyways, I finally managed to get myself to start on my Soundwave/Cosmos Christmas piece. I'm not liking it now because of the reason be in the above rant. I'm hoping tomorrow I'll be back to normal and like what I've done.
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I've been in the holiday mood with my fan art, and trying to not just do characters in santa or elf hats :p
If anyone has any suggestions or requests I'm happy to try to give it a shot.

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Started this two nights ago. I had my eyes dilated and it was impossible to see anything on a screen. It was kind of awkward finishing this after the new Bithmuth episode. Makes me wonder what other secrets Rose has...

Doodle post

Aug. 2nd, 2016 09:18 pm
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Since the recent episodes have been full of Jasper I gave her a shot. I understand why people like drawing her now. She's a fun design.

New work

Jul. 31st, 2016 05:03 pm
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I really feel off with all the drama I had at my last job. My last post was in March, yikes.

Well, things didn't improve and I was pressured into quiting by my boss and the HR director, quit or be fired, I probably should have seen how long they would go until they fired me, but I was getting physically ill at the job. My last day was June 3. It has been a relief to not be working under that person even though I miss the research work. I did have high hopes for learning that material.

July 5 I started a new job at a coal burning power plant. It's very different than my research work, but I'm liking it so far. I do keep getting sinus infections, either from allergens in the area, coal dust in the air, or using ear plugs and that messing with my sinuses.

It's also nice to be paid more than I was at my previous job, and I'm *not* salary. So when I have to work 12 shifts I get paid time and a half for those extra 4 hours, it's really nice.

The personality of the work is very different than what I'm use to. There are so many different types of jobs there that there does seem to be a "don't tell me how to do my job" notion when people from other sections give suggestions. It's weird to see, and I'm probably to inexperienced for it to bother me yet. And no one works as hard as I/we do type of mentalities. It's really odd to me.
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As much as I am enjoying my work, I often question if my boss likes me as a worker. A lot of the time things seem to be going fine. But then I have days where she seems upset about everything I'm doing, over critical maybe. I don't know if she is just stressed about upcoming events and is noticing things more because she doesn't want there to be any issues. Maybe I'm just really sloppy some days... That may be true, but somethings she criticizes days later; the way I took a measurement, learning how she wants me to take notes, etc.

Then, I have moments that make me frustrated because I know it's my own fault. Like today, during our meeting, we were going over one of my tasks I was to do this week. I spent a few hours finding all the MSDS' we need and making sure we have a digital copy of them. I found all but a couple and made note of that. However, this morning, they weren't in the folder they were suppose to be in. I only managed to find maybe 8 of the 20 documents that I was missing. So now I need to do some of that work again in figuring out which documents I am still missing.

I know some of the way I'm feeling is that I tend to take it really bad when people criticize me. I've improved compared to how I use to react. In that past I would be a blubbering mess in the bathroom after a day like today. Now, I'm just probably over worrying. I really don't want to have issues with this job, with my boss. I don't know how well we get a long work wise though. As I've been writing I feel over criticized and haven't been liking her tone of my work. And I've been trying to not get grumpy when I come in each morning and things are changed from the way before. It's her lab and she can set it up however she wants. It just kind of bothers me that she asks me to do things, but she just goes behind me later and moves it or does it some other way. I feel like I'm wasting my time. And I really try not to let it bother me when she does this in my own space. Moving my notebooks around, rearranging how I have office supplies set out on my desk, an order I have a system for.

It's all small stuff, but it bothers me.


Mar. 15th, 2016 06:46 pm
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I’m getting better at taking videos through the microscope with my iPhone. However, I was having issues with focusing on specific areas, like focusing on one specific fish. I was able to get some decent video of developing beating hearts in an embryo and in a hatched baby fish that had not yet inflated it’s swim bladder (they mostly stay still that then). But there was so much white background. I tried to find some computer software that would let me crop the white areas out, but everything costs money I don’t have. I did find an app on iPhone that would crop my videos the way I wanted and let me send it to myself through email, or several other ways.

So now I have two examples showing the two chamber heart of a developing zebrafish. Nothing to do with my work since my lab will be focusing on the fishes brains and neurobiology.

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I didn’t feel well for most of the day. Migraine and nauseous, it was miserable. I slept in past lunch. Thankfully, I didn’t have to go into work to check on the fish. I really hope that I don’t wake up like that again.

Once the pain in my head receded I was able to finish the book I’ve been reading, and I began the next book, the last book of the trilogy. I’ve been working on reading the Pathfinder series, by Orson Scott Card.

The first book was kind of slow in the beginning, but the second half really pulled me in. So did the second book. It’s been a long while since I’ve read a book so quickly. My only complaint was how abruptly the second book ended. I thought I was missing pages. Currently the third book hasn’t sucked me in the way the second did.

For me this has been a pretty unique story. I don’t read as much as I would like to, I just don’t often find things I actually like. This one I found in the young adult section. Like Ender’s Game the heros are mostly teens/young adults. I thought the characters in both books were well developed. And except for the … physics…maybe, of how the powers of the character’s work it’s a fun idea to follow.

The main character, Rigg, can see the paths of every living person and creature that every set foot on the planet Garden, a planet that was settled by humans from Earth. Only, when the spaceship jumped through space to arrive at Garden, it jumped backwards through time 11,900 some years. The calendar of Garden also counts down, rather than up, counting down to the time that the original spaceship made the jump through space. Rigg’s friend, Umbo, and his sister, Param, also have special abilities. Together they go on adventures exploring the different lands of Garden, learning what they can about the world and the world of the people who settled it.

But they are in a race against time, sort of, to learn everything they can. In three years, from the end of the second book, and the start of the second, they only have 3 years to prepare for the foreseen destruction of Garden. In 2 years, Visitors from Earth arrive to see how the original settlement has taken root. What they don’t know is what happens when the Visitors arrive and what causes the humans from Earth to send a second wave of ships called the Destroyers, who as the name implies, destroys the planet of Garden.

I’m hoping the third book, picks back up, it starting kind of slow, but it feels like its trying to recap a few things. But I am really interested to find out how everything resolves.
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One of the undergrads showed me how take pictures of our embryos through the microscope. It is very tricky with the iPhone because the auto-focus wants to focus on the microscope's eye-piece instead of the view through the lens. It also picks up the light awkwardly, but it does the jo

I should have taken another photo when I looked at them today. They were about 48 hours today. Their eyes are more define and they have a lot of pigment cells. I'll try to take a photo to share with the next batch of breeders I do.

Something that I can't share through photos is the beating heart. I can't recall when they start beating, but it is very visible. I really enjoy seeing the fish develop.

These eggs are about 24 hours old.
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Yesterday I was taught how to select pairs of fish for breeding, and this morning how to set the setting to get them to breed. Over all 3 pairs of fish laid about 200 eggs. Only 122 of them were viable embryos, though.

I got to set up 7 pairs on my own today and tomorrow I will set up their breeding and embryo collection. I'm very excited with what I'm learning to do.

One set of the fertilized zebrafish eggs
One set of fertilized zebrafish eggs

One of seven breeding pairs (aren't they so cute ^^)
One of seven breeding pairs
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I wish I had more to write about. Life isn't that eventful sadly. My lab fish are still alive even though we had some issues with the dosing of the tanks and worry about the pH and conductivity of the tanks getting too high. Slowly things are coming together. Tomorrow we are getting another undergrad who was hired so they can be here for morning feedings and I don't have to do that everyday on my own. Especially once we start doing research work. Tomorrow, the PI is going to show myself and most of the undergrads how to set up breeding chambers. PI isn't sure if we will actually have a successful breeding, the females may not be back into a biological groove for breeding yet, but it's worth a shot for the learning experience of setting it up and trying to get things started. I'm excited to learn things like this. The breeding tanks are more hands off than when we start working directly with the embryos, but I am looking forward to learning something new now that we have fish.

Zebrafish with a mutation the produces spots instead of stripes
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It's almost 5 am but I just had this train of thought and needed to write the main idea down first. I'll edit it later today. Others may have already made this connection but it's the first time my brain has made a connection on this "issue".
religious ramble under cut )


Feb. 18th, 2015 09:58 am
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Read [personal profile] decepticats Starlight when it was posted to the transformers group here on DW. Super cute, tried drawing a pic for it. The back or robots are hard, a sitting position even harder. Seriously? How do they sit with all the kibble?
Anyways, robots are in marker and the rest I played with in Gimp. It was fun but I wonder if I should add Gimp colors to the robots.

Art Post

Feb. 15th, 2015 09:14 pm
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I haven't been posting my art stuff here. Mostly just to Twitter and Tumblr. Been trying to do a daily thing, but right now that's hard to do. I did do one today (most of last week too). It's for a prompt in the Rare Pair group on LJ. Tailgate/Rewind: Small talk over a cube of energon. Forgive the mess, I'm trying to be fast and practice with some low quality markers.

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Didn't get the Core Lab job. Strike three I guess. Not to disappointed since I've interviewed several times in the past and they keep turning me down. Whatever. I know they are worried that I wouldn't like the work, but I've tried to explain that I knew what I was getting into because...they are right there, right next door. I talk to them. I know what they do. I know the services they do. I don't want to do research in this lab anymore.

Still waiting on the VA job to respond back. I like the idea of the research they are doing and it sounds more active than what I'm doing now. But that's another 2500 mile trip, and moving is really stressful. But. Just waiting for now.

Now I wait.

Feb. 9th, 2015 09:47 am
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And hope the right thing happens )
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Things have been crazy it seems. Lots of emotional up and down with B and I again since we both hate this area. Then we both got sick. I'm just getting over mine. Counting down the days until we fly out of here and visit home for 2 weeks. In the mean time I'm going to be trudging along.

Hopefully, I will be having a skype interview either next week, or if they allow it, an in person interview with a lab at my previous institute, different PI. I've printed off several papers to look over the weekend to prep for the interview and learn about the work there. It seem interesting from the PI's website. Circadian rhythms and their effects on the biology of the body. Whoa! New stuff, but some of the same stuff too, just put out there differently.

Art Post

Dec. 4th, 2014 12:16 pm
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Need an image, but I haven't posted it yet! Fairly old, by a few months, that I couldn't find I can't seem to find in my tags. I apologize if I've already posted them.

Not finished, need to get some pens of the correct colors for PB.

Finished :)

And I found these when looking for the others, again I don't know if I've done these already, I couldn't find them.

I also have a really good in progress ink drawing of Shockwave, but I'm going to wait on posting that one. I would like to finish it. Though I don't know when I will.


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