sammyphoenix: (Default)
I'm really trying not to be hard on myself and my art drawings. I follow several artists and sometimes seems by a lot of their work really brings me down and discourages me. They are in a relationship place I had planned to be able in by now when I was younger. I use to be really good at anime/cartoon style works. But I'm so out of practice and I just can't seem to get myself motivated to improve and get to where I once was.

I wanted to be an animator. Now I look at movie companies and video game companies and think ... I could have worked on that. But I didn't pursue that like of work. Instead, I listened to my mother and went into the science field. You know because it pays good money. Ha! What a joke that was. Barely being paid above minimum wage, working 60+ hours a week. Only to move from job to job because money always dried up since everything was grant based. At least now I have a somewhat science job that pays well with regular hours and time and a half over time. It's still not where I wanted to be.

I'm mad at myself for letting my love of drawing and talent I had slip away. Now I just compare my drawings to all the other drawings on the wide net and want ta just stop again. I want to draw for myself, because I enjoy it and like what I make. But stupid technology. I like something I did for stupid fun and have to share it. I get little response back and it just discourages me for some reason. It's like I want so many other people to really like my work, and the couple of compliments I get just doesn't give me the boost I hope for. I want to get over that need of being popular or liked or whatever. I don't even know that many people on line. I'm not sure what I expect.

Anyways, I finally managed to get myself to start on my Soundwave/Cosmos Christmas piece. I'm not liking it now because of the reason be in the above rant. I'm hoping tomorrow I'll be back to normal and like what I've done.


sammyphoenix: (Default)

September 2017



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