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It’s been awhile
Oct. 30th, 2020 12:17 pmLong time since I’ve posted here. I’m in need of a place to write a bit, I’ve got things all stuck in my mind and I don’t know where to put them. Funny enough all my social media accounts I don’t feel like I can be myself and socialize or post when I have struggles.
I have been doing pretty well though, all things considered. But, it’s hunting season, so we have all the visitors coming to the lab at work to talk about hunting and deeeeeer. I feel so left out. I don’t hunt and I’m the only female at work now. With COVID all the other women who work in HR or financial are all on varied shifts and it’s discouraged to visit area you don’t need to be. I’ve got no one to talk to anymore. So, I’ve been getting these hurt/sad feelings when people drop by to visit with my coworker (who everyone claims to dislike!) and if he’s not here they just leave.
I should be use to it by now, but it always comes back this time of year because of all the visits we get. At least when my other female coworker was here people stayed for a while... but that doesn’t help that hurt feeling.
I know a lot of it is my own fault. I’m not into any of the same things as any people here so it’s hard to hold conversations. I’m also bad at sharing my own hobbies because I figure people just don’t care. My coworker claims he cares, but when I share stuff I either have to explain something I have had to explain several times in the past when I shared things, or he uses it to mock me. That really doesn’t make me want to share my hobbies. I just end up keeping to myself.
I wonder how lonely I’ll be if work doesn’t replace him by the time he plans to retire. How many people will come visit when I’m the only one here. Not many I’m sure.
I just struggle everywhere. I can’t socialize in real life and I can’t socialize on social media. I’m apart of groups, but don’t feel “fan” enough, and I stay out of conversations. Even when it’s no directly fandom based, but technique based, I don’t feel I have enough experience to say things. But like all things no one cares anyways so I don’t know why I let it bother me. Stupid mental loop.
I have been doing pretty well though, all things considered. But, it’s hunting season, so we have all the visitors coming to the lab at work to talk about hunting and deeeeeer. I feel so left out. I don’t hunt and I’m the only female at work now. With COVID all the other women who work in HR or financial are all on varied shifts and it’s discouraged to visit area you don’t need to be. I’ve got no one to talk to anymore. So, I’ve been getting these hurt/sad feelings when people drop by to visit with my coworker (who everyone claims to dislike!) and if he’s not here they just leave.
I should be use to it by now, but it always comes back this time of year because of all the visits we get. At least when my other female coworker was here people stayed for a while... but that doesn’t help that hurt feeling.
I know a lot of it is my own fault. I’m not into any of the same things as any people here so it’s hard to hold conversations. I’m also bad at sharing my own hobbies because I figure people just don’t care. My coworker claims he cares, but when I share stuff I either have to explain something I have had to explain several times in the past when I shared things, or he uses it to mock me. That really doesn’t make me want to share my hobbies. I just end up keeping to myself.
I wonder how lonely I’ll be if work doesn’t replace him by the time he plans to retire. How many people will come visit when I’m the only one here. Not many I’m sure.
I just struggle everywhere. I can’t socialize in real life and I can’t socialize on social media. I’m apart of groups, but don’t feel “fan” enough, and I stay out of conversations. Even when it’s no directly fandom based, but technique based, I don’t feel I have enough experience to say things. But like all things no one cares anyways so I don’t know why I let it bother me. Stupid mental loop.
