![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
More bad thoughts
Nov. 25th, 2012 04:36 pmI had the joy of having another mindful of terrible thoughts. This time they were aimed towards my husband.
It was during prayer at church this morning. I was leaning against husband like I usually do during prayer. I was focused on the words of the man leading the prayer, then my mind quickly formed it's own image. It was my husband clutching his chest claiming he couldn't breath. He gets up from service and heads to the back of the auditorium. He doesn't make it very far before he collapses in the middle of the aisle. Some people moved to react, and other remain calm and moved out of the way for those who could help. The man speaking stops his train of thought and begins praying for husband.
My thoughts then flash to being next to my husband in a hospital, resting my head on his hand. He is hooked up to machines that are helping him breathe. My in-laws all arrive, my mother-in law already in tears. I have to explain to them, through my own tears, that the doctors said that he was in a coma, and they didn't think that he would be able to pull out of it on his own. We then all begin discussing whether or not to take him off the life support.
During the discussion I am able to pull myself out of that thought. I could feel tears in my eyes, the prayer still going on, and husband just fine next to me.
I really want these thoughts to go away. I have enough stresses to worry about, without worrying about myself or my husband getting into an accident or having health issues. I worry about those things already anyways, I don't need my mind drifting there making up images for me to watch.
It was during prayer at church this morning. I was leaning against husband like I usually do during prayer. I was focused on the words of the man leading the prayer, then my mind quickly formed it's own image. It was my husband clutching his chest claiming he couldn't breath. He gets up from service and heads to the back of the auditorium. He doesn't make it very far before he collapses in the middle of the aisle. Some people moved to react, and other remain calm and moved out of the way for those who could help. The man speaking stops his train of thought and begins praying for husband.
My thoughts then flash to being next to my husband in a hospital, resting my head on his hand. He is hooked up to machines that are helping him breathe. My in-laws all arrive, my mother-in law already in tears. I have to explain to them, through my own tears, that the doctors said that he was in a coma, and they didn't think that he would be able to pull out of it on his own. We then all begin discussing whether or not to take him off the life support.
During the discussion I am able to pull myself out of that thought. I could feel tears in my eyes, the prayer still going on, and husband just fine next to me.
I really want these thoughts to go away. I have enough stresses to worry about, without worrying about myself or my husband getting into an accident or having health issues. I worry about those things already anyways, I don't need my mind drifting there making up images for me to watch.
