Work Anxieties

[sammyphoenix]

I feel like I have been having a lot of job anxieties of recent. I don't know if they are justified or if I'm just giving myself a hard time.

Sunday I returned home after a 9 day work trip. I was tired, and I took the day off Monday, along with a few other coworkers. Boss was okay with it, but we have to record it as vacation time. Really, work sucked away two weekends and we have to call a forced day off vacation. Salary, yay. I've been out of it ever since we got back. I don't think my stomach has appreciated two sudden meal type/time changes in 10 days, and it is making me more sluggish than usual.

Of course, the one experiment I do set up this week doesn't work right, so I sent an email to my boss because he has much more wisdom than I do about this type of work, though I'm trying to learn. I don't feel it was the wrong thing to do, but he is a very busy man, would he really have time to email me about ideas of what to do, even though we have a meeting every Thursday. At least he isn't like my last boss who's answer was often "That's your job to figure out!" Thanks for that bit of advice you twat...

Anyways, I'm getting worried that my boss may get rid of me. I don't feel that my quality of work is as high as the others and I've been going through a lot of trouble shooting and I just feel like it is often sliding in the wrong direction. It doesn't seem like he has much in mind for me at the moment because I am having such trouble. Wouldn't it be easier for him to replace me with someone who knows what they are doing? Or just use some of the other members of our group who are doing similar work and don't seem to be having as much grief as I am.

Today I think I made two noticeable mistakes.

We have a Professor from China in visiting, so Boss had us have a large meeting to discuss our work with him from 12:30-3:30. We were to bring a powerpoint of our work, if we had presented in the past we could bring that. I didn't get this email until 11 and the stuff I presented was background "Here's the protocol" presentation. I hadn't had data. I didn't have time to put together a summery of my data, and well, I don't know what I would have presented. Hi! Here is what I do, I haven't gotten it to work constantly yet so I'm going through a lot of trouble shooting, here is the stuff I have tried and it has failed. Yes, progress. *head desk*

After this meeting was my weekly meeting with Boss. I showed him this weeks failure, even though I had sent an email to him the other day with it. He then, asked about some proteins that he wanted me to make up months ago. I had put them on the back burner because I thought the proteins for an upcoming gradstudent was more important. Whoops! So, I have those to make up and purify, still want to work with the gradstudents stuff (at least what I have planned for tomorrow since I have it set up already), some samples I need to check on in another lab to make sure they are okay, or if they need more, and the experiments I worked on this week to redo. I will be pretty busy next week. But he asked me if I had enough to do, usually this is a sign that he wants to add something more to my plate. I said yes, I have plenty to do. Which I really do, but I can't help but feel that I made the wrong move saying that.

Maybe next week, when things get back to normal and I get somethings done I will bring up if there was something else that needed done. I just don't know if I can add more to my plate for fear of forgetting them like I did the proteins he wants done.

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[dragondancer5150]

Man...*ALL THE HUGS*