Invisible

[sammyphoenix]

This round of depression has me feeling quite invisible recently. I just don't feel like I matter to anyone except Bigby, which really should be quite enough. I wish I understood why my mind and emotions would like people to talk to. I don't have anything interesting to say and often I'm the quite person who doesn't talk anyways.

Makes me kind of glad that my Twitter app isn't working. I can at least avoid going there constantly and just feeling worse about myself. I just feel like I'm an annoyance there. Weither I'm posting stuff that's important to me, fun stuff, or just random thoughts I should be keeping to myself. I just feel like I'm offending people there. Probably doesn't help that I keep loosing people I thought liked me and then either change profiles or just up right stop following me...

Even with the comments I get from people I just feel worse about myself. I've been getting a lot of encouragement to sign-up for the reverse bang as an artist, but even with all that I don't feel quite up to it, just because I think my work wouldn't be good enough for anyone to write a story around or to or however that's suppose to work. I still have a week to decide.

I'm really hoping that all of this is just steaming from an excess of stress around work. I need data for a paper my boss wants to publish soon, and things aren't coming out the way they are expected too. Then, I have an interview tomorrow for a position with the core lab next door. I'm really anxious about that. It is going to be strange doing that interview because I will know most of the interviewers. Our lab is connected to the core lab and we often share equipment, so I know most of the workers over there and that I know have been recruited for selecting the new employee. My own lab manager is part of the selection committee since the two labs work so closely together.

I've never been very confident in myself in just about anything that I've attempted to do. Job hunting isn't much better. Even though I've managed to keep a string of jobs since I graduated in 2011 the interview process never seems to get any better. I still never feel fully qualified for any position and am always second guessing if I'm making the right moves for my career. I really want to find a job that I will enjoy, that isn't such a drag as the one I'm in currently. I don't want to be so stressed out over my work, and I want to be able to leave work at work and not drag it home with me.

TLDR; My mood isn't any better and I'm uber stressed about my interview tomorrow.

ETA: There are 4 other people being interviewed. The inter views are suppose to be 1.5 hrs and has my lab manager, boss, and the 4 people who work in the Core Lab.