(no subject)

[sammyphoenix]

Good thing is that I'm not nearly as anxious as how I had been. But, I'm learning that my anxiety has been what was pushing me to do a lot of things. I try to push conversations with people hoping for a connection, while freaking out over my wording and waiting for responses. Pushing myself into a depressed state. Now, instead of that stress and push, I just figure I'm not likable and I'm not going to push people to like me.

Same with my art. My anxiety pushed me to do art, to try and stand out somehow. Now I don't feel that push much. I want to do art, but just can't get myself to do so. I also don't feel creative, not that I was very creative before, but I'm more aware of it. I'm trying to make ideas for inktober, but I don't know if I'll be taking part for lack of a motivation.

Husband has been talking about going to TFCon DC instead of going to the beach with his family. Previously I would have been all for it and excited and anxious. But now I don't want to go. Artists that I would have wanted to commission are already closed, and I'm such a creeper online with artists I don't want to meet them and share that I'm that creepy person that tries talking to them and fails all the time. No one I talk to on social media seem to be going, and the ones that are, again we don't really talk to each other, and one has cut me off from social media soooo....

I'm just not sure who I am at the moment. I feel like me, but I'm not me either. I'm going to keep trying to be the person I was and want to be. I'm just not sure how to do it right now